The Perfect Online Dating 2nd Date: Ideas and Tips
It’s hard to know what to expect from an online dating 2nd date, but there are a few techniques that may help make the evening memorable and enjoyable. Every date you go on serves as a test flight for your eventual goal of getting on board that real flight: being in a committed quality relationship.
The second date is one that combines the excitement of dating someone new, with a real opportunity to learn a lot about them in very little time. Because it is still very early in the dating process, the second date should be as much about fun as getting to know who this person is and what are they all about.
In my Conscious Dating Program I teach my clients to be a “Happy Single”, by having fun, dating and to make also make sure you date with “Intent and Purpose” by learning as much about your date and how compatible the two of you really are. That means the date itself really serves both of these masters by creating an opportunity for a fun and productive date.
So here are my Top 5 DOs AND DON’Ts for a successful second date.
1. DO SOMETHING ADVENTUROUS OR UNEXPECTED
There is no better way to get to know someone than trying something that neither of you has experienced before or have experienced very little. How your date reacts to the idea of trying something new, as well as how they actually experience them, will tell you a lot about who they are and also how compatible they may be with you.
I am not suggesting you have to go and jump out of an airplane (nor am I saying you shouldn’t if it works for both of you), but things like going on roller coasters at an amusement park or indoor rock climbing or even a simple hike are some good examples.
The key is to find something that serves the comfort and adventure level for both daters. So make sure to ask before you plan this, because if one person is too far outside of their comfort zone, and the other is not, the date won’t be as fun or productive.
2. TRY TO AVOID GOING TO LOUD BARS, MOVIES, OR OTHER PLACES THAT MAY PREVENT BONDING
If you decide not to take the advice of #1 there a few dating choices I would not recommend. Again, this second date is a great opportunity for real fun, but more importantly, to learn about the person and spending quality time with them to see if you are both a good fit.
Sitting at a loud, crowded bar or not talking in a movie theater doesn’t do that very well. These dating venue standards also don’t show much creativity in the planning or execution, which I feel can also be an important element of the bonding process.
3. AVOID EACH OTHER’S HOMES/APARTMENTS
Although seeing where (and how) someone lives gives great insight into a person, I feel this date is too early for that kind of intimacy. Going to one person’s living space you don’t know very well, not only gives one person a comfort advantage over the other, but it could lead to potentially dangerous or awkward situations. (++Note: that even if you do know this person I still would not recommend it.) Ideally, the second date is at a neutral location, giving both people the same level of comfort and safety.
4. SLOW DOWN ON CHEMISTRY
Let’s face it when you’re attracted to someone, you just want to pounce on them and make that chemistry connection happen right away. I’m not saying this is a wrong reaction, but if you really want a serious relationship, jumping into bed too quickly could hurt your chances of pragmatic thinking.
The bottom line is sex clouds our judgment and can create some level of emotional attachment. You might miss the fact he or she has no ambition or isn’t on the same page with you at all. 5 months down the line, your heart is already invested which makes it difficult to break things off.
If your true intention is to find a quality long-term partner, then making the choice to slow down on sex in the early phase of the dating process could help you avoid potentially unqualified partners and allow you to make room for the RIGHT partner for you. And by the way, after slowing it down, screening them properly, and if you find out he or she is a qualified partner, the chemistry will only grow stronger and well the sex will even be better! Only a win win at that point with no regrets!
5. LEARN ABOUT EACH OTHER’S LIFE GOALS AND VISION
The 5th and final DO/DON’T I want to write about is, to me, the most important. No matter what you do or where you go on a date, you should plan to allow for some time to learn at least a little about your date’s Life Vision and Goals. I teach more about these in my Conscious Dating Program, but in a nutshell, they you’re your future goals.
It’s the answer to the question: What do I want, and where am I headed? For example: wanting children, spiritual goals, financial goals, or work goals. These are things that really matter to you if you or your future relationship did not achieve them.
No matter what happens on your second date always enter it with the goal of having fun and with an intent and purpose. That way once you are each back at your respective households, you can reflect on the date itself and access: the overall fun level you had, the emotional or physical connection you have, and how close those very important Life Visions and Goals line up with each other. Armed with all that information you are now ready to take the next step and either gracefully disengage from the other person, or to go on to Date
If you’ve enjoyed this article and want to find the right love and commitment for you, I invite you to sign up for my free Guide to Conscious Dating here.