5 Powerful Questions to Help You Break Bad Dating Patterns

Fear is an extremely important emotion that exists for the purpose of keeping you safe from things that are dangerous, that cause you pain, or feels like an extreme threat. When it comes to dating, fear can actually work against you and keep you from achieving the relationship bliss you desire.

Especially when you are dating with too much of the wrong kind of fear (i.e. a scarcity mindset) this can cause you to settle for less. Smart daters have the ability to manage their fears so that they make the best possible choices that ultimately lead them to true love.

If you are currently out there in the dating world and wonder if fear is the culprit that is blocking you from finding real love, then this article is for you. Here are the top 5 questions to ask yourself to know if fear is standing in your way of love and what you can do to change your results.

1) Are You Using the Law Of Attraction?

The law of attraction states that like attracts like. That means that if you are in transition in your life, i.e. divorce, ungrounded in your life, or trying to figure out your purpose most likely you will attract the same.

They say birds of a feather flock together, in this case, it’s very true. I work with many clients that tell me they want someone that is expressive and vulnerable about their feelings because they keep meeting people that are not emotionally available.

When I ask my clients if they express their true vulnerability in their relationships, most answer no. Because they have a hard time expressing their feelings, they keep attracting people that lack vulnerability as well. It’s so important during the dating process to look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Am I being an example of the type of person I want to attract?” We all have room to grow, there is no shame in admitting that you have areas that may need personal development. In fact, owning this what gives you the power to create change not only in your love life but your overall happiness in life.

2) Do You Manage Your Limiting Beliefs?

Limiting Beliefs are simply false thoughts or beliefs that hold you back from achieving your goals in love. They can be simple thoughts such as, “All the good ones are taken” or a more complex one like, “I’m not good enough.” We can call them your gremlins inside, your inner critic, negative thoughts, excuses, psychological blocks, obstacles — these beliefs create limitations, they are mostly not true and are rooted in fear.

In my Conscious Dating Programs, I share how limiting beliefs hold you back from authentic love. These are usually tied to self-image and/or your perceptions about who you think you should be and how you relate to the world. They’re self-destructive, cause stress, and keep you from achieving what you want out of relationships and out of life. The good news is that you can actually eliminate these limiting beliefs. Our minds have the ability to rewrite our thoughts and beliefs into a positive one by creating awareness first of the negative belief. Here are some helpful tips that will help turn your inner critic into your biggest cheerleader.

When I help singles pinpoint their fear of not feeling like they are good enough, I have them do an exercise every morning when they wake up and start the day by saying, “I am good enough.” It’s just that simple. Our minds have the ability to be programmed with new positive beliefs. By saying these new beliefs each day, eventually, it will become your truth and the negative belief will gradually be eliminated.

However, let’s say you cannot pinpoint your negative narrative and beliefs, then they will continue to run your choices about love and keep you repeating the same negative dating patterns over again. My recommendation is that you get help from a professional that will support you in creating awareness of your limiting beliefs, this is the first step to help you move forward.

3) Do You take Healthy Risks in Love?

When you lead with fear in your dating life, it not only protects you from not getting hurt by prospective daters, it can also stop you from trying new things and learning new skills. Smart and happy daters are always open to learning and adapting within their dating environment.

Sometimes that means leaning into the discomfort by putting yourself out there to improve your chances of finding love by joining speed-dating events or expanding the age range in your online dating profile search. Not being afraid to get out of your comfort zone and possibly even failing when doing so. This experience can be an extremely powerful tool to help develop your dating and relationship skills. This can be viewed as “practice dating” and as the saying goes, practice makes perfect.

4) Do You Live In The Present?

I can only speak from my experience with this one. I spent so many years blaming my parents for my upbringing and how I was not taught to make meaningful connections. Letting go of the past meant I had to change and make myself uncomfortable, I stayed stuck for a very long time in a cycle of bad dating patterns because of this issue.

When I finally decided that my past could not dictate my decisions in the present, this is when my results begin to change. I took accountability for my actions (even the bad ones). I grew as a person and learned from my good choices and propelled myself to be a better dater by learning a lesson from my bad experiences. This is something you can do today! Look back at your past relationships, use your mistakes as learning lessons, but don’t assume that every relationship in the future will be the same. And it is okay that you made mistakes, we all do. It makes you human. If you don’t take accountability for your actions, you will never see an issue or a problem. Only when you see a problem, you can take the initiative to create change.

5) Are You Aware of How You Show Up?

In the beginning stages of dating, it’s important to ensure your prospective partner invests in earning your trust. Smart daters do this by slowing things down with an intentional pace, no matter how good or bad the initial connection might be. For singles who date with fear in their mind, unconsciously they will often put up a wall to people they really like without knowing. I had a friend that told me she couldn’t understand why she always got hit on by married men.

When I saw her in action, I noticed when she talked to married men she wasn’t threatened. Her energy was open and fun. She was super engaging. The minute an available attractive man walked in the room, she crossed her arms, looked down to the floor and barely said a thing. She later told me that she never thought she was good enough for quality men to want her, she had no idea that her limiting belief caused her to react this way to the world around her.

The goal with these questions is to help you create awareness of habits that can be developed and make you into a better dater. If you struggle in these areas, there is no shame in getting help, I believe those that reach out have the courage to create a better life for themselves when it comes to love. I’m here to support you, schedule a Free Relationship Readiness Review here.