Top Four Reasons NOT To Use the 3-Date Rule!

Does anyone really know where this idea that waiting three dates to have sex with someone actually came from? Maybe it started from a woman who had a bunch of one-night stands and realized she wasn’t getting any guys to like her… so let’s wait, but not too long. Or maybe it was a man who convinced a woman that five dates is way too long, three sounds good, doesn’t it?

Although I don’t know if many people out there really consider it a steadfast rule to live by, plenty seem to live by it. Recent studies have shown that on average couples wait three to five dates to have sex and pending the speed of the relationship, this can take anywhere from a few weeks to a month or more.

Even though three to five dates is the average, when it comes to finding a quality long-term partner, the amount of time you wait to have sex with them could have an effect on the quality of that relationship.

According to Dr. Mark Regnerus, author of Premarital Sex in America, “Couples who hit the honeymoon too early—that is, prioritize sex promptly at the outset of the relationship—often find their relationship underdeveloped when it comes to the qualities that make relationships stable and spouses reliable and trustworthy.”

The bottom line is, time seems to be on your side when it comes to knowing “when” to have sex with a potential partner and the increased chance of having a good relationship. Here the top four reasons you should forget the 3-date rule and just have sex when you’re ready.  

1) Sex Clouds Your Judgement

One of the important elements I teach in my Conscious Dating Programs is that the human brain and body does not just experience pleasure during sex; they also experience stronger sensations of attachment and bonding. Our minds are actually built to bond during and after sex, so the moment you have sex with a partner the biological bonding process has begun.

The hormones released during sex cause feelings of connection, love, happiness, and closeness — it literally tricks our brain into imagining things are much deeper than they are (blinded love syndrome), and that we have a special relationship with this person, even though it’s just sex.

Simply put, you have a better chance of making better decisions in dating when you have not become sexually involved with your dating partner.

Sexual involvement early in a romantic relationship increases the chances of making quick decisions like moving in together or getting married too soon, which in turn is associated with a chance of lower relationship quality.

2) The Stats Prove it

The bottom line is that when it comes to sex, the longer you wait the better the chance of getting into a strong relationship. A study by the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology backs this up with statistics that might surprise you (it actually did for me). Couples who wait until marriage to engage in sex report to have:

–       20% higher relationship satisfaction

–       12% better communication patterns

–       22% less consideration of divorce

–       15% better sexual quality

I am not suggesting that you wait until marriage to have sex in order to have a great relationship or marriage, but these statistics cannot and should not be ignored.(Article continued below).

3) The Good Ones Will Wait 

Anyone who is really interested in you in the long-term is going to be perfectly happy with waiting a little longer. They say, “good things come to those who wait” and when it comes to finding a quality partner for you, this is a phrase you should preach.

Think about it…if you are interested in spending the rest of your life with someone, wouldn’t waiting another month or two or three be worth it?

4) Waiting Promotes Better Communication

One of the ancillary benefits of waiting longer than a few dates to have sex is that the time promotes communication about sex between you and your partner.

This helps on two fronts; it opens up lines of communication to establish that you two are on the same page in terms of when would be the right time to have sex and you also get to see how your partner communicates on really important issues.

Talking about when to have sex can sometimes be awkward. If the two of you show good communication on this front, then it is safe to assume that you will be able to talk about other important relationship issues down the road: like money, child-rearing, etc.

In the end, all that communication currency you have built up leads to fewer issues, less tension, less chance of divorce, and the ultimate prize, a great relationship.

If you’re struggling with holding your boundaries and are constantly in short-term non-committal relationships but want something long-term, then let’s talk. I can help, schedule a FREE Relationship Readiness Review with me here.