Friends with Benefits: Rules of the Game

When searching for a quality partner there are two things to look out for, someone with whom you can build a friendship and also have a healthy and fun sex life. You might be wondering, what relationship can fill those two things and not bring that forever relationship you seek? Of course, I am talking about “Friends With Benefits.”

“Friends With Benefits” (FWB) as you may know is simply finding someone to have a casual relationship and spicing things up by adding sex… aka the benefit.

According to a survey of 1,000 U.S and Europeans learned that 57% of the participants said that they have experienced a friends-with-benefits relationship at one point in their life, while 43% had not. Of the people who indicated they had, 18% of U.S. women and 17% of men said they were currently in a friends-with-benefits relationship. So these relationships are common and well established in the western world.

As a Dating Coach, my profession is to help singles find their true love and find their forever relationship, you might think that I am against these FWB relationships, on the contrary, not only do I think that they can be a healthy part of any smart single’s dating life, I think if cultivated correctly an FWB relationship can work to your advantage and help you find love.

One of the major benefits is not feeling desperate to settle for the better than nothing type of relationship. Because your sexual and companionship needs are met, this frees up your ability to make more intentional choices with choosing a partner. However, the FWB relationship requires one major rule, that you and the other party agrees that this is “just for fun” and nothing more.

Another benefit of having an FWB relationship is that it can help you learn how to be assertive with your needs, boundaries, and communication skills. And these building blocks are simply that you understand what makes you happy, and set yourself up for finding this happiness by having very specific rules that keep the good relationships in your life and push the bad relationships out.

It’s that simple. So having an FWB may be unconventional to you, but if treated like all of the relationships in your life it has the opportunity to bring you happiness and growth.

So with that said here are some of the important rules that you should implement in all FWB relationships you may choose to jump into one.

Choose your FWB wisely

No exes first and foremost, as there is too much emotion for you or them. And if you choose a friend, just know this FWB relationship has a chance to be the beginning of the end for you and then. Sure some may survive, but you have to be willing to let go of this person if things don’t go as planned. Finally, stay away from those too geographically desirable. Meaning no roommates, co-workers, best friends, and no neighbors or anyone else whom if things go south you may have trouble removing from your life.

Communicate your expectations your boundaries clearly – It’s important upfront for both you and your FWB to define the “Friend” and the “Benefit.” If one of you wants one thing and the other something else, you’re going to have problems. So layout the playing field upfront and don’t be afraid to be brutally honest. This goes for what happens inside and outside the bedroom. And remember this communication should not only happen on day one, as your relationship may continue to ebb and flow as life gets in the way so continue to talk honestly and openly

Know and Stick to Your Boundaries

Once you have set your rules or boundaries now you must stick with them. If you say, no 2 am bootie calls and he or she calls at 1:59 am, you should not get together no matter how hot to trot you are. If the boundaries flex so will the fun and relationship as a whole.

Have Low Expectations for Long or Short-term Success

Day one of the FWB relationship may leave your heart pounding and your knees quivering, but that doesn’t mean this will continue to happen and that you should plan your life around this arrangement. Every day with an FWB is a good day, but you always know this kind of relationship is not your end game so make sure your expectations convey that.

Stay Safe and Play Safe

It should go without saying that your physical and emotional well-being is crucial to you being a happy and healthy single. Make sure you only meet and play on your terms and practicing safe sex is an absolute must.

Keep it Fun

An FWB relationship should be first and foremost fun. If there is any drama or life-disrupter that drops the fun meter to a zero then it’s not for you.

Police Your Conversations

It’s ok to be open and free with your conversations, but make sure you are in control of what NOT to say too. Conversations like talking about each other’s dates and/or relationships may seem innocuous enough, but they can also blur the lines a bit especially if your FWB becomes your favorite confidant or sounding board. When it comes to speaking with your FWB consider the phrase, “Keep it simple stupid.”

No Warm and Fuzzies

When two people have sex often a warm and fuzzy feeling can creep into the equation You must do your best to avoid this by pulling back when you feel any warm and fuzzy feeling entering your body. It’s ok to feel with your FWB, but just know that the more you feel, the more likely you are to get hurt down the road.

Always Be Honest Even if it Hurts You/Them

Sometimes a rule might be broken or your FWB will do something you just don’t like. Don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel about what just occurred. Honesty is the best policy in life and when it comes to FWB relationships. Being nice comes from a lack of boundaries, it is important to be kind with your truth. 

Limit the Number of Encounters

One problem with FWB is they often lack the drama and conflict of other more serious relationships. This is a bit of red herring as seeing your FWB often is not really what you should want or need. The FWB is there for you to have some safe fun while you continue to live all other aspects of your life. I recommend meeting up no more than twice a week.

Jealousy not Included

If you start feeling jealous that your FWB is having other encounters then you have to end the benefits immediately. The same goes the other way, if your FWB is acting jealously, the relationship is over so make sure to end it quickly, but respectfully.

No Sleepovers if You can Avoid it

It might be fun or convenient for you or the FWB to stay the night but staying the night really should be the hallmark of a more serious relationship so do your best to make this no sleepover policy one of yours.

Don’t Stop Looking for Love

As a happily married woman, I can tell you that there is nothing better than being with someone whom you love, respect, and treasure spending time with. If your goal is to find that for yourself just know that time does tend to fly by and you never know when Mr. or Mrs. Right will come knocking, so make sure that your FWB doesn’t keep you from answering the door when they do.

 

Know When it’s Time to Move on

A FWB is a short-term relationship, but like all relationships, it doesn’t come with any kind of firm expiration date. That date only comes when you or your FWB feels that things are no longer working. So pay attention to what your gut is telling you about this FWB relationship and if it’s beneficial to your life. If the answer is no then it’s time to move on.

Even though having an FWB can feel comforting for the moment, you came to this website because you want something more meaningful in your life. I can help, schedule a Free Relationship Readiness Review with me, and let’s find that true love you really want to experience.