What is Love Bombing? 4 Signs You Should Not Ignore!
Modern dating has brought us many great things and one of my favorites is some of the creative dating trends and phenomenons. A few that are hard to forget are:
Glamboozled – When you get all dressed up in your best outfit, do your hair, maybe those difficult temporary eyelashes only to have your date call to cancel or reschedule. Ugh! Hope this never happens to you!
Dogfishing – This is when someone uses their pets or borrows pets, to find potential partners. Not a bad idea. I know one couple that met from walking their dogs!
Fleabagging – Coined after the name of the Emmy winning Amazon TV show, this happens when you date the wrong person even though you know better.
Any of these sound familiar? I know they have all happened to me in my single life at one time or another. The phenomenon we are discussing is called “Love Bombing.”
Love Bombing occurs when you are showered with affection, compliments, gifts, and/or promises for a future with someone making you believe you may have finally found love at first sight.
Like scenes in a romantic movie, this person may act thoughtful, loving, caring, and affectionate, and well, they just get you. You will receive an overwhelming amount of text messages, suggestive phone calls, or trying to create a dream future or exclusive are also common. Your head swoons with those happy and excited feelings you covet so much. There’s only one problem… it always fizzles.
The moment you display any interest or show that you care about them, or have the switch is flipped. They distance themselves from you and even go so far as to call you selfish. For a Love Bomber, they are unable to understand how they are not the sole focus of your attention.
Most often the Love Bomber waits until you are far enough into the relationship and have developed feelings, even feelings of co-dependency before they attack. Once you are emotionally bonded it’s often too late to free yourself from the trap. Love Bombing is designed to manipulate and control the person they are dating, plain and simple.
How come so many intelligent and well-adjusted people fall for this? Unfortunately, for the person in this situation, the Love Bomber techniques work off the human need to be loved and desired. The feelings one gets from being coveted by a Love Bomber can be so intense and powerful that it’s kin to being drawn in by some invisible force field.
The question, now, is to how do you spot Love Bombing?
1) Look for the Unrealistic Demands of Your Time.
This may come in form of them asking to be around you at all times of the day. Or it may come in a more digital form such as phone calls, texts, or emails at all hours of the day. They expect that you respond quickly because, well, you should be available to them whenever, wherever they desire.
2) Make Sure the Relationship Moves at an Appropriate Pace.
There is really no one-time clock for how fast any relationship should move, but generally speaking, if you both are discussing the date you are getting married in the first few weeks, that is awfully quick. Quality long-term relationships are built on partners having similar core values, not based on quick addicting connections.
3) If You Find There is an Implied Favor for a Favor for Everything Someone Does for You.
There is something wrong with that behavior. That means if you get a gift or an amazing experience from someone and they want their reward in the form or more time with you or even boundary-pushing, then that is a red flag.
4)Love Bombers Implore an Intense Pressure to Jump into a Relationship Right Away.
This pressure could come in the form of spending as much time as possible together or to be exclusive right out of the gate, or to plan a future before discussing any major issues before your present is figured out.
My recommendation to you is not to become a Love Bombers next victim is two-fold. First, follow your head, not your heart. This might mean you have to slow things down before you can speed things up.
Secondly, always listen to your gut. That little voice that often chirps at you when you see something that just doesn’t seem right. So many of my clients tell me about how they spotted things early on in their Love Bomber partner, which gave them pause, yet they failed to act on it. There was no questioning, no investigation, they just kept moving forward, and even though their gut told them something was wrong. If you are unsure of what to do when dealing with a love bomber or anyone else who exhibits predatory behavior, here are some helpful tips.
The bottom line is you control your dating destiny. You do not have to settle for anything less than a relationship that will bring you joy and positivity. Sure, there are plenty of Love Bombers out there right now who want to drop their way into your life and blow it up.
I promise you, if you are coming at dating with the right mindset and you are armed with the right tools, the Love Bomber will always miss their target.
These are difficult times and fighting loneliness is a struggle, especially if you do not have a partner in your life. However, no partner is better than someone who exhibits manipulative behavior like the Love Bomber. Protect your heart at all costs and never settle for predatory relationships.
If you are online dating, it is smart for you to arm yourself with the right knowledge so that you do not fall for this kind of dating trap. That is why I am discounting my $49 class down to only $27.00 to help teach and support those that want to try online dating smartly and safely here.