6 Dating Tips to Help You Find Love After 40

Many of my clients are over 40, thus they have lived a considerable amount of time understanding what they like, dislike, what they want from others and themselves and most often what they expect life to give them. The only problem is, sometimes this inherent knowledge of what we want from ourselves, others, and from life in general, can be more of a dating hindrance than an advantage.

Unless this knowledge comes with the right tools and mindset older singles often find themselves lost in the modern dating world due in large part to a lack of personal or relationship elasticity and flexibility. Basically, they think they know it all and lack the desire to learn and/or change their ways when things don’t go as planned. The more and more I talk to older singles, the more I see definitive patterns in the way they relate with others in the world. That’s why I wanted to share a few tools that older daters can use before rebooting their dating life with my tips.

Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

As I mentioned, many of the older singles I work with are self-admittedly “set in their ways.” It’s totally ok to know what you like and what makes you comfortable, but when it comes to dating if that comfort makes you too inflexible and too set in your ways, you are limiting your own options. Stepping out of your comfort zone to change things up is not only a good idea, but it will broaden the choices you have and the people you meet.

That may mean finding new avenues to date (i.e. new dating apps, singles events, hobbies) or new types of people to date (i.e. outside your normal age range, location, body type) or places to go on dates (i.e. cooking class, volunteer, escape room) may be just the thing to shake things up in your life to push you in the right direction.

Quality partners and quality relationships require that both partners are able to ebb and flow as the relationship does. Start practicing during the dating process and have fun doing it so when you do eventually meet that wonderful new partner you will be ready to explore and have new adventures together.

Know Your Non-Negotiables

Non-negotiables are your relationship deal-breakers. They are the core values you must have in a relationship for it to work or it will fail every time. Yes, every time. In my Conscious Dating programs, I work through each one with singles, usually, they have about 10-15 of them, but they are never superficial things like height or weight or what car they drive. Not understanding your non-negotiables is a big reason so many relationships fail and why I believe our divorce rate is so high.

Your list of non-negotiables may include items like finding a partner who: treats me like a priority; is financially stable; is in touch with their spirituality. While for others non-negotiables may include meeting someone who is: family-oriented; very religious; and charitable. Whatever your non-negotiables are it’s not enough to just know them you must also listen to them when they speak to you.

You do this by using your “dating picker” to make sure that you screen in the people who match your non-negotiables list and screen out those who do not. When you do that your dating decision making will not only become better, but you will date with the comfort of knowing that you will choose a partner who has a shared belief system and values.

Focus on What you DO WANT not What you DON’T WANT

Along with understanding your non-negotiables, it is important to date with a positive mindset. When I ask clients what they want, the usual answer is a long list of things they don’t want. The negative feedback generally is even worse with older singles. Understandably so because having more experience in life often means more trauma, and sometimes being more stubborn about change.

The problem here is your dating mindset is super important to your dating success and this mindset starts with the inner narrative you are having with yourself. This may seem trivial, but it has been proven by countless studies that singles who date with a positive attitude and speak positively about themselves and situations are more likely to attract what they want and are seen as more attractive. As I say, “Like attracts like,” which is the Law of Attraction at play. Think about it, when you are with someone who complains all the time or speaks poorly about themselves or about dating all the time like “there are no good men out there” or “I’m not skinny enough to find love” – how attractive does that sound?

This positivity doesn’t just stop with the words you use, it also exists in your body language such as making sure you smile often, having good eye contact, and sitting upright. So next time you go on a date, feel free to spend some time hyping yourself up before meeting your potential match. Look in a mirror and tell yourself, “I am smart, kind, beautiful, and deserve the best in life and love.”

Patience is a Virtue

There’s no question that “patience” isn’t something our society likes to teach or support much. People of all ages want what they want and they want it now. Waiting around for what you want out of life is for someone else, not you. Conversely, “unrealistic expectations” are also intertwined into this “get it now” society of ours. Goals are great and necessary for any smart single, but realistic ones are key. Sometimes I talk to clients who say they plan to find love within the next six months.

That’s their timeline. Well, that’s great, but sometimes it takes people years to find love and what if they are one of them? I believe that love is when opportunity meets preparation. When love is taking it’s time to come around, singles should embrace this as a time to work on themselves and whatever they are hoping to share when they find their person.

Date Like It’s a Second Job

I have so many professional clients who have incredible careers and understand perfectly what it takes to become successful in the business world, yet when it comes to dating it’s a completely different story. When I was single and wanted to find love, I began to treat my dating life the same way I did my professional life. I considered it a job. I know this sounds unromantic and detached, but the reality is modern dating can be real work. With so many different dating platforms (apps, websites, singles events, etc.) and so many dating landmines (liars, cheaters, ghosters, etc.), it’s super important that you date with your brain as much as your heart.

This means setting realistic goals for yourself by setting the number of dates you want to go on a week/month (Gen Z and Millennials went on an average of 5 first dates in 2018, while those of older generations averaged just 2 dates in the year), and how much time you dedicate to dating (Millennials, for example, spend on average 10 hours a week), how much money you spend (the average single American spends between $1600-$2000 a year).

By no means do I suggest you blow up your life and start tossing everything aside to date, but I do suggest you take a step back to assess your life and figure out how much of your time and money you can realistically put towards you dating life so you can maximize your chances for dating success.

Diversify, Diversify, Diversify

Another mistake many older singles make is that they fail to launch themselves out into the dating world to connect with as many singles as possible. Dating is a numbers game and the more chances you give yourself to find a connection the more likely you will find it.

Far too many singles fine laying down on their couch with their phone or laptop in tow as they date digitally, while expecting quick results. On the flip side, some fail to show any interest in dating digitally so avoid this entirely despite approximately 25% of all marriages beginning there. Smart dating like smart money management means diversification.

An investor never puts all their money in just one place, why limit your dating life to just one space? Diversifying means spending some of your time going to singles events (speed dating), some of your time online (age-appropriate website), some of your time meeting others through friends or family, and also making yourself receptive to meeting fellow singles anywhere and everywhere. That means being ready to flirt with someone at any moment, like at the grocery store, the coffee shop, or the park. The bottom line is when you are looking for love, you need to take advantage of any and every opportunity that is out there until eventually, you find what you are looking for.

Dating can bring up a lot of anxiety because of the unknown factors, I will help you ease your anxiety around dating. If you have no idea where to start, I can help, please schedule a Free Relationship Readiness Review with me here.