Be Kind, Not Nice: How to Stop Settling in Relationships

There is a big difference between being kind and being nice. Most people think that they are the same thing, but this is not true. Kindness comes from a place of genuine care and concern for others, while niceness often stems from a need to be accepted or liked.

Many singles confuse the difference as they may have grown up in a family system where love was earned. That they had to be perfect in order to feel liked or accepted.

It can be easy to fall into the habit of being nice instead of kind. After all, it is often easier to go along with what someone else wants or needs rather than standing up for yourself. However, this type of behavior usually leads to resentment and frustration down the road.

If you want to have healthier relationships with the people in your life, it is important to learn how to be kind, not nice. In this blog post, we will explore 3 ways that you can start being kind instead of nice and create a better connection in love and with the people around you!

Get Clear about your Non- Negotiables, and Stop Being Overly Accommodating

Many singles that fall into the people-pleasing trap are not truly aware of their own non-negotiables aka deal-breakers. Even if they do know them, most will tend to ignore their own deal-breakers and be overly accommodating. Especially, if their profession uses the people-pleasing model to create financial success, they may unconsciously pick up this habit.

I work with singles that struggle with this habit all the time in my Conscious Dating Programs and help them build better boundaries with themselves and others. Hence the reason having an accountability partner or someone to help see your blindspots throughout the process is so important. Make sure whoever you learn from is someone you trust or whom you can consider a mentor in your life.

Be Authentic in your Truths

Singles that struggle with being too nice, often hide their true feelings about a situation, or if there is an inkling of conflict, they may deflect through fight, flight, or freeze. The issue with this habit is that the person they are dating really never gets to know them genuinely.

The key is, to be honest and authentic with people. Even if it means you agree to disagree or may disappoint someone you are dating. This doesn’t mean that you have to share every thought or feeling that you have, but it does mean being truthful when it matters. Lying or withholding information, even if it is a white lie, can create distance in a relationship. If you want people to trust you, it is important, to be honest with them from the start.

If you want to be vulnerable but don’t want to feel “needy” check out my tips in this video.

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Be Supportive (with Boundaries)

Often I see singles that are too nice give, give, give and burn out. They have a nature of nurture which is a beautiful trait. However, the “why” isn’t always thought through when they say yes when they give. And they find themselves giving too much to the point of resentment.

You can be supportive of the people in your life. However, before taking on favors or doing things for others, you must ask yourself to what limit are you comfortable? It is okay to kindly say NO to the people in your life if you do not feel comfortable with what they are asking.

There are two benefits to this. One is that you are teaching people how to treat you. The other is you will weed people out who do not honor your boundaries. This action will help make room for relationships that value mutual respect.

If you want to have healthier, happier relationships, start by being more kind, and don’t be afraid to have boundaries. These tips will help you get started on the path to creating lasting bonds with the people in your life!

What other ways can you think of to be more kind instead of nice? Share your thoughts in the comments below! And don’t forget to like and share this blog post if you found it helpful!