4 Conscious Dating Steps to Screen in Your Soulmate
So many of my single I work with come to me with dating war stories that seem to compare their dating life to walking through a minefield and where almost every step leads to getting blown to smithereens. Often their dating struggles begin and end with the fact most singles just plain lack the necessary dating knowledge and dating skill set to make good dating choices.
That’s right, being good at, and having fun with, dating requires you have certain knowledge and skills just like it you would to excel at skiing or using a new iPhone or cooking. Still, very few singles are ever taught anything about dating, hence the constant missteps in that dating minefield.
And just so you know, if you’re not dating right now. You should be because studies have shown that Tinder sees a 5 to 7 percent increase the day after Christmas, with Match.com expects a 60% surge in new members between Christmas Day and Valentine’s Day. Because I know you might be on a quest trying to find your soulmate, I thought I’d share my 4 Conscious Dating Steps to Screen in Your Soulmate.
1) SCOUTING – The Scouting process happens when you meet people with the intention to date, say on an online dating site or at a friend’s party or even in line at a Starbucks.
It really doesn’t matter where or how, you meet someone, eventually you still need to choose to allow this person into your dating world or to exclude your prospect. Good Scouting means you understand that dating is often considered a numbers game, so putting yourself in front of as many prospective partners as possible who may the same values and interests as you is key.
2) SORTING – Studies have shown men take about 15 minutes to decide if a woman is worth a second date. For women, the clock isn’t ticking quite so fast—they ponder whether to get together again with a man for an hour or so.
This time period is part of your Sorting process and starts once you find a potential candidate you like, and quickly sort them against the qualities you are looking for. The goal in this step is to make a connection, and gather as much information about the person as you can quickly and authentically.
This is not an interrogation. It’s all about getting to know them and trying to connect on some level. Once you feel you have given the interaction long enough, it’s time to move on to the next step (Screening), or if you don’t find any interest, disengage gracefully.
3) SCREENING – Once someone passes this Sorting process, you make the choice to Screen that person as a possible partner. Screening may happen in a few weeks of dating as you get to know someone, but can take up to a month.
You want to learn about their career, friends, family, like, dislikes, etc. and to find out if your dating prospect meets ALL your non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are the core values that must exist in a relationship or the relationship will fail. Most of my clients have about 10 of non-negotiables and are things like: “He wants children” or “She is giving and thoughtful, not entitled” or “There’s physical attraction”.
The dating knowledge gold here is that if you find that even one of your non-negotiables isn’t being met, you will know without any doubt to end the relationship. That means you will waste so much less time dating the wrong person than you otherwise would have. If you would like to learn more about how to gain clarity on your non-negotiables, my How to Attract the Love of Your Life eCourse reveals special strategies on how to decipher your non-negotiables.
4) TESTING – The final step, Testing, involves testing a partner’s actions against your non-negotiables list. This step is the most important in terms of long-term happiness and involves gaining experience and knowledge about the relationship and the potential partner to determine if their actions actually match their words.
Your dating prospect may say all the right things and seems to meet all your non-negotiables, but now is the time to test it out and see if that stays true in all cases. Talk is often cheap, some singles will try to impress you and say all the right things to meet your non-negotiables, but when it comes to their actions, those are much harder to hide.
Testing allows you to find out if your dating prospect has credibility with their words, before you completely invest your heart and soul into the relationship. When you test someone, just like on school tests, there are right answers and wrong answers.
You don’t get extra credit because the person is pretty or good in bed or because you have been dating for 3 months already. Either your partner passes the test and meets your non-negotiables or they don’t, it’s just that simple. It’s only after your dating prospect clears the Testing step that a complete long-term commitment can be a consideration.
Just remember time is your friend when it comes to dating. If this is going to be your forever relationship, there’s no need to rush anything! You’ll have the rest of your life to celebrate with each other anyway. If you’d like to learn more about my Conscious Dating Strategies, I invite you to grab a copy of my 5 Dating Traps Keeping You Single + my bonus Video on Dating Tips for Success in the 21st Century, click here to grab your copy.