Are You a Cheater Magnet? Here are Five Ways to Tell.

Before I became a Certified Master Relationship Coach and a happily married woman, I struggled at finding love as a single woman, who just like yourself was cheated on by many of my partners.

Over the course of those many single years, I repeatedly asked myself why does this keep happening to me?

I am attractive, smart, fun, and am by no means sexually frigid so why do my boyfriends keep looking for the company of other women?

The answer is both a complex one and a simple one. The simple version is I allowed them too. The complex one needs a few more words so here are the Top 5 reasons you keep getting cheated on.

Lack of Communication

Good communication is the key to any relationship. Early in our dating process when I asked my husband if he ever cheated on a girlfriend, he freely admitted he had.

Of course, I did not like to hear this answer, but I knew it was better to ask and take note of what he said, plus how he said it, rather than not to ask at all.

So early on in any of your future relationships it is very important for you to communicate your feelings about cheating and also listen to your partner about their feelings. Then once you are committed you must continue that open flow of communication because most experts agree that cheating starts and ends when needs are not being met. So if you and your partner communicate your needs, you will be much less likely to be in the other end of the cheating stick.

• Always seeing the BEST IN PEOPLE – Far too many of my clients come to me believing it’s easier to look for the best in a man than to recognize his flaws. Having a positive attitude about dating is extremely important to the process, but so is healthy skepticsm. When I first started dating my husband, almost immediately I felt, he could be the one. Still, I had been hurt so many times before I was not going to believe he was as great as he was until he proved it. So do you know how many dates we went on before I actually let him know where I lived? Five! To this day he still can’t believe I kept waiting that long. But although I saw many good qualities in him, I wanted to make sure he was who he said he was so I made him wait.

• Being TOO TRUSTING – If you are in a serious committed relationship it should be ok to use each other’s phones and computers at times. But early on in a relationship far too many women don’t take the step to set up the expectation that this is something they want. Since more than once I caught boyfriends cheating on my using their phone or computer, almost since the beginning of my relationship with my husband, I occasionally would ask to look at my husband’s phone or computer. I always would do this in front of him and ask him permission first. Not once has he said no, and not once did I ever see anything that gave me any pause. If you are dating someone and they refuse to allow this request, then you just learned something very valuable about him. By setting this “Trust is earned not a right” standard early on in your relationship you will actually build a foundation of trust that is so important to a healthy relationship.

• IGNORing THE WARNING SIGNS – How many times have you looked back on your cheating partner and said, “How did I miss the warning signs?” Sure some men are amazing at keeping women in the dark about their infidelities, but most leave a trail of crumbs that is easy to spot if you just look. Maybe it’s that strange late-night texts he made or him not being available when he normally should be. When you have questions about what’s going on in your man’s life don’t assume your intuition is automatically wrong. Conscious Dating (LINK?) is about paying attention to your partner and your relationship at all times and sometimes this act uncovers things you won’t like to see or hear. But if you’re able to identify and analyze these strange behaviors early enough in your relationship you’ll be able to break up with him before he breaks your heart.

• Not SCREENing for YOUR NON-NEGOTIABLE – Each of the above reasons you continue to be cheated on, begin and end with identifying and understanding your Non-negotiables. These, relationship deal-breakers, are the cornerstone of my Conscious Dating program. (LINK?). Most people have about 10 of them, and they are things like “He treats me like a priority” or “Family is important to him”. Once you are armed with your Non-Negotiables you will be able to screen them against your dates and find out if he is a good fit for you. And if he is a good fit, then the chances of him ever cheating on you becomes much less likely.